Disclaimer: Please do not assume I am pushing my beliefs onto you because that is not the case at all. This is just what I believe and just like you, I have a right to express it.
The very first commandment given and stated as the most important commandment of them all is for us to “Love one another.”
Love one another, not in a romantic sense, but for us to have compassion for others, be kind to others, help others when we can, for we are all given special gifts and talents that allow us to be able to add value in some way into another person’s life, which I am sure you have experienced at some point in your life.
I think most people don’t realize their talents and gifts, and therefore feel like they have nothing to offer. That is so NOT TRUE! Please don’t allow anyone to tell you or make you feel as though you are useless because you are not. We are all here for a reason, we just need to dig deep within ourselves to discover why that is. I can confidently say, I am sure you have tapped into that gift or talent of yours and used it to help someone without even realizing you were even using one of your many gifts. Yes, we have more than one thing we are good at, but I believe there is a special gift that each of has that only we can provide to others. Ponder that!
We all have gone through things in our lives when we may have needed the help of another person or persons. And I would like to meet the person that has never needed the help of others.
So, lets be a blessing to others and remember to always Love Who You Are!
Why is it that some men are taken aback by single mothers? They seem to have this perception of single mothers as being desperate, needy or clingy. When in fact most single mothers run their own home, pay their own bills, look after themselves AND their children all while holding down a job and everything else that life throws at them.
So, fellas, if a single mother allows you into her world, be grateful she has added time in her very busy schedule for you in her life at all.
For All Single Mothers
You may find it hard to believe, but this guy that you are interested in, he had a life before you. A life that most likely included past relationships, one or two that may include children. And if you don’t have any children you’re probably freaking out right now, but before you start hyperventilating, just chill out. Here are some tips to help get you through this situation.
Are you ready? – Because a guy with a child isn’t the same as dating a guy without one. They have different obligations and aren’t looking for women to walk in and out of their life. They need stability. If you’re still in the phase of getting drunk every weekend and spending your Sundays in bed sobering up, then you’re not ready.
So, before you agree to a second date with this guy, seriously think about what you want, because no longer is this all about you.
The children come first – Point blank! So if you are possessive and have issues with jealousy, this isn’t going to work out for you. The children ALWAYS come first.
You don’t have children, so I understand that you may not grasp on to this, but, that child is literally a part of him. So, no matter what, no matter how much your man loves you, he will put his kid first.
And honey, if you’re reading this and thinking, “Well, he always puts me first over his kids,” then you better think of kicking him to the curb. Would you actually want to be with a man who neglects his own children? Baby girl, what if you have a child with him? Yeah, exactly!
They’ll always have their ex in their life – Even if he cannot stand his ex, she’s still going to be in his and your life. It’s the mother of his child. You’ll see photos hangings of them on his walls, he’ll be making phone calls to her—that’s normal. It’s called co-parenting. So, they will be in communication with each other regarding their child. Again, if you have a jealous streak in you, lose it or get to stepping.
Any jealous behavior is going to have to be dropped because this is just the situation at hand and it’s not going to change. Why? *Go back to the children come first rule *
Don’t meet his kids right away. If he wants to introduce you to his kids after the second date, say no. Listen, if he introduces you to his child that means he’s serious about you. Also, this introduction is showing his kids that there’s a new woman in their lives. Which isn’t bad, however, it’s not fair for them to be introduced to you, and then you realize you’re not interested.
Remember what I said? They need stability. They need to know meeting you for the first time means they’ll be seeing you more and more.
Get to know his ex – Since his ex is in his life, and if you all are in a serious relationship she’ll want to get to know you as well since you’re spending time with her child. You’ll need to be cordial and come to accept their relationship. Also, you need to show his ex that you’re responsible, respectful, and invested in taking on a parenting role. Because let’s face it, you’ll basically be their stepmom.
Now, don’t overstep your role, but you’ll have to show her you’re not going to negatively affect their child’s life. You’re going to have to accept this as being a part of a team. So, get over your jealous emotions and get involved in your share of the team-work.
Don’t be overly eager – Please don’t pull some overly excited, Mary Poppins-type role. First, think about how they see you. You’re not their mother. So, they may view you as an intruder to their family. That means before you go all Sesame Street on them, just take it slow. It’s an adjustment for not only you but them as well. They may be temperamental and opinionated around you because they’re hurt.
Before saying something you may regret, remember why they’re acting like this and take it easy. Don’t force anything, kids are highly emotional and know when you’re being fake. What I suggest, If he has more than one child spend some time individually with them and let them ask you whatever they’d like. You can also sit down with them and let them know that you’re not trying to replace their mother. Essentially, you need to build the trust between you.
Your plans will always change – The minute you have children involved, your plans never completely turn out as planned. Why? Because sweet cakes things happen. Maybe their mother cannot take them to soccer practice or an emergency came up.
If you wanted to go to the movies on Friday night, but the kids unexpectedly come over, well, scrap that movie date. What I’m trying to say is if you are in it for the long haul, then you’ll need to compromise and accept whatever happens, just go with the flow. If not, you’ll go insane.
You won’t be sharing “firsts” – He’s a parent which means he’s gone through a lot of “firsts”. Most likely, he’s also been married. So for you, much of this will be completely new but for him, he’s been-there-done-that. Not saying he won’t be excited if he was to marry you or have a child with you. All I’m saying is he’s already had this milestone in his life. If completing “firsts” together is of great importance for you, reconsider what you want.
Understand your boundaries – Since these kids aren’t yours, you’ll have to understand you have limits and boundaries that you can’t cross. If you’re angry at the kid and swear at him, well, that’s not appropriate. You don’t have to let the children walk all over you, do maintain your role when they’re challenging you.
You have to learn how to handle difficult situations without treating the child like your own. This isn’t going to be easy, but during these situations, you must communicate with the guy you’re with and if he is mature enough and can understand your position he’ll support you.
Be patient – Dealing with children is no easy task, especially when they’re not yours. If you’re finding yourself overwhelmed, talk to the guy you’re dating and express your feelings. As I stated if he is mature enough he’ll understand what you’re going through. All in all, don’t be scared to take some time for yourself to de-stress and calm down.
Giselle Prichard and Elise Weems have become close friends while working for a major advertising agency. Both women are real go-getters and were top in their game. Recently, Giselle was honored with the highest award one can receive in the field of advertising. She was excited of course and wanted to celebrate with her bestie Elise. However, Elise was not as excited about Giselle’s award and it first showed when she made an excuse why she could not go out to celebrate. As the days and weeks went on Giselle started to notice the distance between her and Elise. Every time Giselle would try to call her or speak to her while at work, Elise would either not return messages or while at work would state she is too busy to chit-chat and would brush Giselle off. This went on for about a month before Giselle figured out that Elise was envious of her winning the award. Elise even started false rumors and gossiping with other co-workers about Giselle. It got so ugly that Giselle finally realized that not everyone is going to be happy for her successes and the so-called friendship she once thought she had with Elise has run its course.
I think both envy and jealousy has shown its little head at some points in all our lives, either by you being envious of others or others being envious of you. You can usually detect the green eyed monster when you notice changed behavior within those you consider close to you like friends or family members. Have you ever noticed when things are not going so great for you, you get tons of support from others, but the moment you begin to be doing well and probably better than you ever were, those same supporters disappear, Poof, gone! This is because like it or not, some people just don’t like to see other people growing, doing better than them, or being happy in their lives. Envious people are happiest when bad things happen to others and sad when others are doing well.
Why is this you ask? Because those people are gauging their own self-worth externally based upon others, instead of having internal self-love and self-worth and being able to generate for themselves the things that they want in life so that they can be happy when other people succeed. That is why it is important that you make sure your relationships are equal. You don’t want to always be that person that bad things always happen to or are always down in the dumps. Because then you will always be around those people that are supporting those bad things happening to you. And as soon as you get out of that rut you were in, or you and you partner get back together those people will dump you like a hot potato or try to sabotage you to keep you down and in that low state.
It’s the classic crabs in the bucket. When one crap tries to claw their way out of the bucket you have others trying to pull them back down into the bucket with them. The crap can never get out of the bucket because the other crabs are constantly sabotaging their escape. This is just how life is. If you notice you are doing good and people are starting to be rude to you, or people are just rude toward you for no reason. That my dear is a clear cut sign that they are envious of you. If someone is envious of you, there is no way they are your true friend and cannot be your friend and it is also not okay for them to harbor envy toward you, but don’t allow that to stop you from fulfilling your goals.
Now, what if you are the one that is envious of another? There are those times when good things happen to other people when we wish it would happen to us. What do you do? You need to check yourself. You need to dig deep and see what parts of you need to be developed. Because envy shows what you lack and it shows how you feel about yourself more so than how you feel about anyone else.
So, if you feel yourself being envious of another person’s success or what another person has, then you need to repair yourself, love yourself, and talk yourself through that emotion and tell yourself that great things can happen to you too. Tell yourself “this is a great thing happening to that person, and great things can happen to me as well. I love hanging around people that have great things going on in their lives. I don’t need to gauge my worth based on another person’s success, my worth comes from within, there is no measure of my value, my worth comes regardless of what I have or what I do. I am a human being and there is no lack of my value and I don’t need to be envious.” Then show thankfulness and gratitude toward your friend. However, be careful of those that are envious of you, because they can make you start to feel bad about yourself, without you even knowing why.
You deserve to be loved and appreciated and not have people around you that wish bad upon you. Now go out there and claw your way out of the bucket by being around those people that support your goals, dreams, and success.
Physical abuse is easy to identify, but what about emotional? Emotional abusers often act out due to their own psychological issues. If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, the best thing to do is to leave. It doesn’t matter how much time or effort you have put in the relationship, you can’t change someone else’s emotional issues if they haven’t dealt with it themselves. It is not worth your time or your soul to be with someone who will mistreat you in any way.
Abuse is genderless. Basically, cultural norms tell us men are always the aggressors – not females – but the reality isn’t always so. Abuse comes in all different forms and can happen to anyone.
Below are signs of emotional abuse
Hypercriticism – Who doesn’t love a little sarcasm in a relationship? This type of humor can add fire and spunk to any relationship, but be wary when innocent ball-busting turns into humiliation. If your partner is hypercritical about everything you do and makes a habit out of putting you down, it’s time for a change.
Disregarding your opinions – Do you feel like your partner is constantly disregarding your opinions? A relationship consists of two people with differing thoughts and opinions. That’s what makes them interesting!
Lack of empathy or compassion – A lack of compassion for you, your friends and family, and your problems is a definite sign that your mate is a total jerk who needs some therapy. This lack of empathy shows that they do not respect your life and the things going on within it. This is a form of emotional abuse.
Constant affairs – Abusers are selfish in nature, and what is more selfish than infidelity? Affairs or threats of affairs are done with a disregard for your feelings and desires. Affairs also show a level of power from your abuser and may even be done specifically to hurt you. While not all cheaters are abusers, cheating is by definition a form of emotional abuse to a faithful partner.
They control finances. Control is a large part played in psychological abuse, and one way they can physically control you is by being the only one with access to your finances. This ensures you literally can’t survive without them. Bills, groceries, car payments – all of them are done by your abuser. This is one way in which you will be treated like a child who they feel like they can control.
Family and friends alienation – One of the major emotional abuse signs is isolating their victims. An abuser wants their victim to feel alienated from friends and family so that all they have to rely on is their partner.
Take note: there’s a huge difference between your boyfriend being bored at your grandma’s annual turkey dinner and him telling you, in no uncertain terms, that you will not be hanging out with your mom tonight. If he doesn’t have a good reason for you not to see your friends or family, it may be a sign of emotional abuse. This is where subtlety can come in. Phrases like, “Why don’t you stay here and hang out with me, instead? I miss you when you’re gone,” seem sweet at first, but this may be a subtle tactic to draw you away from your loved ones.
Threats of suicide – One tactic of emotional abusers is to threaten suicide if you leave. This is a major scare tactic and an outright form of manipulation. If you feel like their threats have merit behind them, then inform their close family or friends, but don’t stay in this relationship.
Guilt trips – Car won’t start? He/she’s unhappy with their life? Hasn’t rained in a while? Must be your fault. Emotional abusers are going to blame you for basically everything they can, even when it doesn’t make sense. What’s more, if you constantly feel guilty when you are around your partner, that’s a sign it’s time to call it quits.
Unrelenting jealousy – A healthy jealousy is normal in most relationships. This is a simple sign that you are attached to your partner and don’t appreciate when the hot waitress hits on your man. That being said, when jealousy goes from an annoyed eye roll to your partner outright blaming you for the outside attention you receive, emotional abuse is definitely not far behind.
They withhold sex for control – If your mate is looking to hurt you on an emotional and physical level, they may try and use sex as a weapon. Withholding sex is a powerful way to get your partner’s attention. This is also a passive-aggressive way to hurt you or express anger. Withholding other forms of physical contact and affection is another way abusers try and control you. Their lack of affection can create a spiral of self-doubt in their victim that can degrade their self-worth.
Constant calling and texting – Even though your partner is painting you as worthless, you’d best believe they’ll be blowing up your phone the minute you spend a night away from them. Texting your partner when they’re gone is usually a cute sign that you miss each other. But emotional abusers are going to take it that extra mile. Either they will force you to be in a constant conversation with them via text, or they will try to pick a fight with you/guilt you, and try to get you to come home.
If these emotional abuse signs have made you realize your relationship isn’t as magical as you thought, there’s help available. If you want to know the proper channels for leaving an abusive partner, call (800) 799-SAFE or visit the National Domestic Hotline
Everyone has greatness hidden away somewhere. Need help in getting it out? Here are a few ways you can bring out the best version of yourself!
Appreciate the present – Being appreciative for all that you have here and now is very important. The only way to be truly happy is to be appreciative for all that you have accomplished, the people around you, and all that you have. Happiness comes from within and one of the simplest ways to tap into this positive energy is to be grateful for what is in front of you.
Improve the future – What you do today will lend a hand in bringing out the best in yourself tomorrow. Do what you can today to ensure that your future is protected. Whether it is doing something practical like taking out health insurance or working out and eating right so that a year from now you will look and feel fit. Improve your future by working on it little by little today.
Accept others – One way to bring out the best in yourself is to accept others for who they are. Whether it is accepting people who have different religious beliefs, political views or skin color as you, it is important that you accept people for who they are. Each person brings something unique to the table of life, and you have to realize that all the little pieces fit together to create a wonderful image. Hence, bring out the best in yourself by recognizing, respecting and accepting everyone else.
Be comfortable in your own skin – Accept who you are and be yourself. Don’t be afraid of being different from others. With more than 6 billion people on this planet, why would you want to be like everyone else? Carve out your own identity and don’t worry too much about what other people say or think about you. Only when you are happy with yourself will you be able to let the best part of you shine.
Allow yourself to fail – Don’t be afraid to pick yourself up and try again. Failure allows you to eliminate the numerous ways to not do something, and that brings you closer to the right way. Think of all the rewards that will come to you when you eventually succeed. Never sell yourself short, and you will find that the positivity you project will pay off in a big way, if not financially then at least in terms of your self -worth, which is what matters most anyway.
Be honest – If you can’t be honest with yourself, then who can you be honest with? If you are not happy, then admit it and make changes to improve your well- being. If your relationship is going downhill, man up and admit it so that you can change it. Trust yourself, to tell the truth, not just be true to you, but to others as well. Just be careful not to insult anyone in the process. The best version of yourself is the one that faces the truth and lets it guide you.
Practice kindness – Everything comes back around, so practice the ‘pay it forward’ concept. Whether it’s buying coffee for the person behind you in line, or making an extra sandwich for the homeless person on the street corner. Do what you can to be gracious and kind to others. Kindness is a wonderful virtue to practice and not something to shy away from. The more you do it, the happier you will be.
Enjoy the little things – Great joy can be found in the simplest of things. From a sunny day spent at the park to basking in the smiles of strangers, enjoy the little things in life. There is no need for million dollar cars, private jets and pink champagne to make a person happy. Sure, they are a ton of fun, but you have to realize that life is not about the materialistic things.
Surround yourself with goodness – Expel all the toxic people from your life. Whether it is friends who keep leading you on a downward spiraling path, or even your mother who always makes you feel bad about yourself, minimize contact with these people. Instead, surround yourself with inspiring, motivational and happy people. Their positivity will rub off on you, and whatever positivity you have to share will rub off on them, as well
Hone your skills – One way to bring out the best in you is to further develop and hone your skills. For example, if you have a passion for writing, you should do all that you can to focus on your dream of one day getting published. If you have always wanted to learn the guitar, sign up for classes or go through the myriad tutorials available to you online. No matter what you enjoy doing, take the time to hone your skills and indulge in your passions.
See the good in everything – I know at times seeing the good in anything can seem impossible, especially in our world’s current state, but no matter how dark the clouds in the sky are, there is always a silver lining. You need to change your mindset and focus on the good things in life. Do not harp on the bad stuff, because you will never be happy. If you can somehow convince yourself that something good will emerge from the bad, the road to happiness is a much easier one to traverse.
Set your goals and stick to them – To bring out the best in you, you have to succeed. Nothing brings greater pleasure and satisfaction than accomplishing something that you have worked hard for. Whether it is losing 10 pounds or securing your dream job, you should set realistic goals for yourself and do whatever you can to reach them. The payoff will be fabulous and you will have no one to thank but yourself, making the success even sweeter.
Don’t dwell on what others think of you – Once you stop being so concerned about what others think, you will be a happier person. If you live your life worried about what other people are going to say about you, then you are going to be miserable. People have ridiculous standards when judging others, so even if you are the happiest and most fabulous person in the world, you will still be criticized. Let the haters be haters and stop caring about what their little minds think.
It all comes down to being happy with what you have. Although there is no harm in reaching for the stars, you have to realize that life is still a wonderful gift to be treasured even if you fail. Never give up on yourself, we must strive to be kind hearted souls only then we will find that bringing out the best in ourselves will be the simplest thing in the world.
It’s no doubt that bringing your significant other home is one of the biggest steps you can take in a relationship. Let’s face it, either way, you cut it, it’s a big deal. At the very most, it means this person is “the one,” and at the very least, that you think they could be. And that’s huge.
Typically, guys only bring home the serious girl(s) to begin with. And she knows that. It could be 10 years since you last turned up at a family event with a girl on your arm; you’d rather dodge the awkward jokes and questions, and brave functions solo than actually bring along that waitress from the bar you frequent and risk giving her (and everyone else) the wrong idea. So, naturally, if and when she is the girl actually turning up on Mom and Dad’s doorstep, she kinda already knows she’s in. Because if she weren’t someone you thought was amazing and worthy of their approval, she simply wouldn’t be there.
That’s not so much the case for you, though — like, at all.
You see, a typical woman will bring home guys all the time. Well, not all the time, but every time she thinks she’s in love — and that’s almost every time. Her family has met them all: the good guys, the bad guys, the lazy guys, the too-dumb-for-you, the too-busy-for-you, and the just-not-good-enough. And the reason for that is because choosing the right guy, for a woman, is a group effort. She needs consensus. Why? Because almost every woman has had her heart run over by that guy that everyone could tell was a jerk… except her. Since then, it can be hard for her to trust her own feelings again. It’s like a protection mechanism, and only once Mom, Sis, Dad, the BFFs — and even Tory, the family dog — have approved, can things can go forward full-steam.
That said, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get nervous about meeting your family, it just means her head is in a slightly different place going into it. I’d say it’s less about proving herself to the family than it is about proving them to her. Yes, she still wants to make a good first impression , and of course she’ll still need insight from you on the rules of the house, and the what-not-to-talk-about-with-whom so that she doesn’t end up in any awkward conversations, but the only thing she’s really worried about is not getting all the answers she needs from each member of your family.
If there’s one person she wants to meet most, it’s Mom. Not because she wants to be best friends and get the inside scoop (well, OK, yes, that), but because Mom is the barometer she uses to judge how far her relationship with you will go. More specifically, your relationship with your mom is what she’s looking at.
See, the tricky thing about moms and girlfriends is that they’re essentially competing for the same role. It’s not that she wants to mother you — no, she can definitely keep that job — but she does need to know that you’re able to make space for the two of you, and set boundaries and that your mom’s able to respect that. So while on the one hand she’s hoping your mom’s the mother (in-law) of her dreams — kind, loving, open, and nurturing, eager to welcome her into the family and share her life and memories with her — on the other, she’s also hoping to see that Mom’s ready to let go, and let you have a life independent of her. And for that matter, that you want that, too. If she doesn’t get that sense, then she might as well just skip mains and get right to dessert.
Dad is always the favorite of the bunch because let’s be honest, he’s the easiest. He’s basically you in 30 years, so if you like her, she’s pretty confident she’s got him too. A sweet smile, some mild flirting, and a few wisecracks, and he’s on the team. A piece of cake. The only thing she’s looking out for with him is how well he treats your mom because that’ll tell her a lot about what kind of man you are.
Siblings aren’t always easy, but they’re the ones she wants to impress most. While parents are usually content with seeing their child happy, siblings need more. They know all the dirt — on you, on her, on everything. And while they tend to be quite protective, that protection is extended once you’re in, so her only goal here is to bond as quickly as possible, and probably at your expense. Yes, there will be teasing. Just go with it.
Other than that, she just needs you to hold her hand. She’s used to handling herself in tough situations, but knowing you’re right there with her makes all the difference. Keep the wine glasses full, help guide the conversation, and just reinforce all the reasons why she agreed to do this in the first place.
Action speaks much louder than words. Telling someone you appreciate them is easy, but actually showing how much you appreciate them would be so much better. Here are a few ways you can let your actions speak loud without saying a word.
- Make them their favorite home-cooked meal. What says you appreciate someone more than making them their favorite home-cooked meal? Not only does it show that you remember that they love it, but the fact that you went through the effort to make it yourself can mean so much.
- Men enjoy receiving flowers too. Not only are flowers beautiful, but they tend to always put a smile on someone’s face.
- Surprise them with tickets to their favorite show. They’ll be sure to feel appreciated when you come home from work and hand them tickets to see their favorite band. This is a rather obvious gesture that shows that you appreciate them, and they’ll likely get it right away.
- Plan a picnic. Believe it or not, spring is coming and what’s more fun than planning a picnic? Yes, they require planning and effort, and a little creativity, but they are not hard to put together. You’ll make them feel important and special by planning such a nice day with them.
- Start the shower for them in the morning. If you live with your significant other or maybe you spent the night, how special would they feel if you started the shower for them in the morning? It may not be such a big deal to you, but I am sure it speaks volumes to them.
- Bring them coffee/tea without having to be asked. If you know your partner likes coffee or tea in the morning, get up a few minutes early, and bring them some to bed before they wake up so it’s piping hot and ready for them.
- Scrape the snow off their windshield in the morning. This one is HUGE! Not only will you need to get up a few minutes earlier than usual, but you may have to really put your big girl panties on for this one, but think about how much it will mean to him especially if he’s the one that always does all the shoveling.
- Send a hot lunch to their work. Having the same cold lunch every day at the office is boring. Have a hot lunch sent to their office from their favorite restaurant. Not only will they be surprised, but they’ll feel really appreciated, too.
- Send a gift basket of all their favorite munchies to work. Work is just plain old boring sometimes, so receiving a gift basket from you with all their favorite work munchies will make them feel really appreciated.
- Tell them to pick a date night and say it’s all on you. Have them plan the evening and tell them that whatever they want to do is 100% on you! They’ll get everything they want and feel so happy that you wanted to provide it for them.
- Pamper them for no reason. Set up your own spa day in your home for them after a tough week at work. Get some scented oils and get ready to slather them up and give them the best non-professional massage they’ll ever have.
- Buy them that one thing they can’t stop talking about. Just think how you would feel if this was done for you. Point taken.
- Clean up after they’ve made dinner. Not only is this a polite thing to do, it will make him know you appreciate his efforts and he will feel appreciated for having cooked you a meal.
- Actually, pay attention when they’re talking about their day. We all have those days when we just need to vent about our day. Yes, it can get routine and you may at times tune out, but if you truly pay attention to them when they talk about that annoying colleague, it will make their day.
- Remember the important days. Their birthday, their big day for a presentation at work that could potentially lead to a promotion… you get the idea. Any days that are important for them should be on your calendar so you can acknowledge them when the time comes.
- Ignore their faults. People mess up. They’re not perfect. Ignoring when they do bad things and forgiving them will show them just how much you appreciate them.
- Be a part of their hobbies. Especially the ones you don’t like. Even if you hate big truck shows, go and watch with him. It really shows your appreciation when you dislike something but still want to be there for them anyways.