Have a Three-Way
They say communication is done two ways, but there are actually three ways to really communicate. There is talking, listening and then there is the most important of the three, which is hearing. We have this habit of talking a great deal, because we have so much to say. Matter-of-fact, we talk so much that we sometimes miss the points others are trying to make. If we would hear ourselves talk, we would notice that when we talk about our past experiences they are filled with judgment and perception. Ironically, when we are listening, what we hear goes through the same exact tunnel. So, yes we do talk and we do listen, but what most of us have trouble with is hearing.
When someone trust you enough to come and talk to you, don’t just listen to their words, hear how their words are being said. So often we cannot hear the words being spoken, because we come to the conversation prejudging and having our own ideas about who people are. Yet, at the same time we are making sure they don’t see who we are. If you want to reap a harvest and value the communication you have with people, you must know that you are safe and you have to offer the same feeling of safety to the other person.
When someone comes to you in fear, you must hear them and not down play their feelings. If they come to you in pain, you must hear their pain and not dismiss it. Being able to hear someone’s guilt is also important, so that you won’t buy into it. If someone comes to you in anger, you must hear their anger and not allow yourself to add to the fuel. Let’s keep it real, most people just want to be heard. So, in order for you to really hear someone while they are talking to you, you have to really listen. Listen to their volume, their tempo, their body and even their eyes which lead to the soul. Yes, you have to actually listen to their souls when they are speaking to you.
So, the next time someone ask if they can talk to you…say sure let’s have a three way…let’s talk, listen and really hear each other. It may be the best three-way you’ll ever have.