Your First Love Should Be: Yourself


We’re so busy waiting for someone to love us that we’ve forgotten about the one person we need to love first—ourselves.

The most important decision of your life, the one that will affect every other decision you make, is the commitment to love and accept yourself. It directly affects the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your faith, and your future.

Why, then, is this so difficult to do?

FamilyMaybe you grew up in a large family with many siblings and your origin within the family left you feeling as if you never fit in. It could be you felt your sisters were prettier and had lovelier hair than you, were thinner and taller than you, and you had short fine hair, and were short and curvy, which caused you to feel a bit negative about yourself. Or maybe your siblings were the ones who always obeyed your parents and got good grades and you Mr. man were the rebel who never got good grades and always did whatever you wanted to do, which caused you to be the one always getting into trouble. These things can have an impact on one’s life.

Society – We’re taught by society that our worth is found in our status, youthfulness, sex, power, money, attractiveness, romantic relationships, technology and even some of our cultural influences. Yet, if you base your self-worth on the world’s perception of you, you’ll never be capable of loving yourself. That inner critic will always be in your thoughts of “You are not enough, you don’t have enough, and you don’t do enough.” Those feelings of being less than or not having enough will be never ending. And each time to you reach a milestone your mind will tell you that you need to do even more.

Change Your Self-Perception – To feel worthy you must put on a new pair of glasses and see yourself with fresh eyes of self-awareness and love. All acceptance and loving yourself must start from within. It is not about trying to be different. What you don’t realize is that your worth is already in your true nature, you are a core of love and inner goodness. You are a beautiful bright light. YOU ARE LOVE! We can try to throw dirt on and bury how magnificent we are, but it is impossible to destroy. Loving yourself is an ongoing process, not a one-time test. It starts with you, smothering yourself in your own affection and appreciation.

Below are steps to help you discover your worth and to help you to start smothering yourself in your own affection and appreciation. Then you can be ready to love and be loved.

  • Work on personal and spiritual development – Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take fast steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to move forward.
  • Talk yourself happy – Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Or use the rubber band trick and place a rubber band on your wrist, and each time you start in on some self-criticism, pull the rubber band until it snaps you back into a positive state.
  • Start your day with love (not technology)Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Believe that you were created for a purpose. There is no one on earth like you, you were given special talents that no one else has, which right there tells you that you are specially woven and made so that you can bring forth those talents and share them with the universe. Engulf yourself in all the light which surrounds you and breathe in love and breathe out love. Swell your head with all the loveliness you have and selfishly start to love who you are.
  • Own your potential – Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself by doing what you love and what makes you happy.
  • Live in appreciation – Learn to train your mind how to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.
  • Do what honors and respects you – Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.
  • Allow your intuition to guide you – We are all blessed with intuition. Use yours to look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.
  • Focus on the positive – Go inside your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.
  • Realize the power of fun – Self-love requires time to relax, play, and to have face-to-face interaction with others. Yet, our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, over-competitiveness that doesn’t leave room for play. Someone stated, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”
  • Forgive yourself – Finally, we all make mistakes. None of us are perfect. Learn from your mistakes and keep it moving. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for i.e.: for making myself sick, for acting out, for not doing your best.”


  1. Reblogged this on Irina's Poetry Corner and commented:
    I’m sharing this inspirational post by Cheryl as I need to work on some aspects of my life. “Start your day with love (not technology)” is one of the headings.

  2. Thanks, Cheryl. I needed to hear a few things you mention here. Reblogged it.

    • Hi, Irina – I appreciate the reblog and am glad you were able to get something from it. Thank you!

      • My pleasure, Cheryl. Well, I think I’ll have a reread of your post from time to time.

  3. I think many of us need to read this through a few times and make sure we remember the wonderful advice you have given the next time we’re feeling negative about ourselves. I found your first point about big families and sibling rivalry very interesting. I have six children (all grown up now) and much of what you say here rings true.
    A thought-provoking post, Cheryl.

    • Thank you, for yet another lovely comment, Millie. I truly appreciate you!

  4. I’m going back for a re-read – lots of great tips and reminders to take on board – thanks Cheryl! x

    • You are so welcome, Wendy! Have a great weekend!

      • Thanks Cheryl – you too xx

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