Tips On Dating a Man with Kids
You may find it hard to believe, but this guy that you are interested in, he had a life before you. A life that most likely included past relationships, one or two that may include children. And if you don’t have any children you’re probably freaking out right now, but before you start hyperventilating, just chill out. Here are some tips to help get you through this situation.
Are you ready? – Because a guy with a child isn’t the same as dating a guy without one. They have different obligations and aren’t looking for women to walk in and out of their life. They need stability. If you’re still in the phase of getting drunk every weekend and spending your Sundays in bed sobering up, then you’re not ready.
So, before you agree to a second date with this guy, seriously think about what you want, because no longer is this all about you.
The children come first – Point blank! So if you are possessive and have issues with jealousy, this isn’t going to work out for you. The children ALWAYS come first.
You don’t have children, so I understand that you may not grasp on to this, but, that child is literally a part of him. So, no matter what, no matter how much your man loves you, he will put his kid first.
And honey, if you’re reading this and thinking, “Well, he always puts me first over his kids,” then you better think of kicking him to the curb. Would you actually want to be with a man who neglects his own children? Baby girl, what if you have a child with him? Yeah, exactly!
They’ll always have their ex in their life – Even if he cannot stand his ex, she’s still going to be in his and your life. It’s the mother of his child. You’ll see photos hangings of them on his walls, he’ll be making phone calls to her—that’s normal. It’s called co-parenting. So, they will be in communication with each other regarding their child. Again, if you have a jealous streak in you, lose it or get to stepping.
Any jealous behavior is going to have to be dropped because this is just the situation at hand and it’s not going to change. Why? *Go back to the children come first rule *
Don’t meet his kids right away. If he wants to introduce you to his kids after the second date, say no. Listen, if he introduces you to his child that means he’s serious about you. Also, this introduction is showing his kids that there’s a new woman in their lives. Which isn’t bad, however, it’s not fair for them to be introduced to you, and then you realize you’re not interested.
Remember what I said? They need stability. They need to know meeting you for the first time means they’ll be seeing you more and more.
Get to know his ex – Since his ex is in his life, and if you all are in a serious relationship she’ll want to get to know you as well since you’re spending time with her child. You’ll need to be cordial and come to accept their relationship. Also, you need to show his ex that you’re responsible, respectful, and invested in taking on a parenting role. Because let’s face it, you’ll basically be their stepmom.
Now, don’t overstep your role, but you’ll have to show her you’re not going to negatively affect their child’s life. You’re going to have to accept this as being a part of a team. So, get over your jealous emotions and get involved in your share of the team-work.
Don’t be overly eager – Please don’t pull some overly excited, Mary Poppins-type role. First, think about how they see you. You’re not their mother. So, they may view you as an intruder to their family. That means before you go all Sesame Street on them, just take it slow. It’s an adjustment for not only you but them as well. They may be temperamental and opinionated around you because they’re hurt.
Before saying something you may regret, remember why they’re acting like this and take it easy. Don’t force anything, kids are highly emotional and know when you’re being fake. What I suggest, If he has more than one child spend some time individually with them and let them ask you whatever they’d like. You can also sit down with them and let them know that you’re not trying to replace their mother. Essentially, you need to build the trust between you.
Your plans will always change – The minute you have children involved, your plans never completely turn out as planned. Why? Because sweet cakes things happen. Maybe their mother cannot take them to soccer practice or an emergency came up.
If you wanted to go to the movies on Friday night, but the kids unexpectedly come over, well, scrap that movie date. What I’m trying to say is if you are in it for the long haul, then you’ll need to compromise and accept whatever happens, just go with the flow. If not, you’ll go insane.
You won’t be sharing “firsts” – He’s a parent which means he’s gone through a lot of “firsts”. Most likely, he’s also been married. So for you, much of this will be completely new but for him, he’s been-there-done-that. Not saying he won’t be excited if he was to marry you or have a child with you. All I’m saying is he’s already had this milestone in his life. If completing “firsts” together is of great importance for you, reconsider what you want.
Understand your boundaries – Since these kids aren’t yours, you’ll have to understand you have limits and boundaries that you can’t cross. If you’re angry at the kid and swear at him, well, that’s not appropriate. You don’t have to let the children walk all over you, do maintain your role when they’re challenging you.
You have to learn how to handle difficult situations without treating the child like your own. This isn’t going to be easy, but during these situations, you must communicate with the guy you’re with and if he is mature enough and can understand your position he’ll support you.
Be patient – Dealing with children is no easy task, especially when they’re not yours. If you’re finding yourself overwhelmed, talk to the guy you’re dating and express your feelings. As I stated if he is mature enough he’ll understand what you’re going through. All in all, don’t be scared to take some time for yourself to de-stress and calm down.
- Posted in: Uncategorized
- Tagged: boundries, child, children, communication, dating, emotions, encouragement, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-spouse, Inspiration, investment, jealousy, life, Lifestyle, lovepanky.com, negative, obligations, parenting, positive, Relationships, respect, responsiblility, role, serious, single dad, singles, stability, stepmom, team, team-work